Meet Ned, My Kinky Kelpie

(By Maureen Fritsch)
Some time ago, I read a couple of amusing articles about a Kelpie called Ned. If you have the time, I would love to tell you a yarn about another dog who also happens to be that classic Australian working dog breed – The Kelpie. 

Without a word, Hubby came home one afternoon with a 4-month-old Kelpie known as Ned. What a lovely surprise. 

Hubby dreamt of the day this pup would grow into a productive member of our family, working alongside him on the farm. Clearly, I saw something different in this cute puppy. As an empty nester, who has spent many years raising 4 children, I haven’t lost that need to mother and protect another living being.  

I must stop here to let you all know that we have another dog – 9-year-old Snickers. Yep that’s right. The kids called her after that yummy chocolate bar. Snicks is a Foxy Red Heeler Cross. She isn’t a working dog. No way! She is my baby and the most strenuous thing she does all day is chase the Magpies I feed. Like I tell hubby, Snicks came into our lives to be our beautiful fur child. And I must say she is doing her job brilliantly. Ned idolizes his fur sister. 

Anyway, back to Ned our goofy Kelpie. Why do I call him goofy? Read on and you judge for yourself.

Talents
Ned has been blessed with a handful of talents that makes him stand out from the pack. 

Top of the list is rather an incredible gift for a dog, who we thought had gone missing when God gave out the brains to his siblings. He can predict future events. Yep! I am telling you the truth. He is the only dog we know of that has this miraculous ability. Let me explain to you what I mean.

Ned will be running around, chasing something, when suddenly, a stationary object such as a wall or tree or human will appear out of nowhere. Now here is where this amazing skill of his about predicting the future springs into action.  

A red alert will flash before Ned’s eyes, notify him of incoming pain a second before he has made contact with this object. Gripped with fear for the hurt he will shortly feel, Ned yelps just before he hits his target. See, he knows that he is going to feel pain.

Why?
Once again let’s just stop a minute and wonder why this dog, who for some unknown reason forgets to stop as that giant wall looms up ahead. What being in their right mind would inflict pain on their body? He does this a lot, to himself and ME. 

Yes, ME. Ned has been known on several occasions to cause me to physically eat dirt.

Ned, in his excitement, will race towards me and forget to brake. Our bodies will collide; brutally, with me ending up on the ground. Once James commented on the unladylike words that were coming out of my mouth, as I was rolling around in agony from one such incident with Ned.

Everyone knows what speed an energized Kelpie can reach. That solid head of his smacks into my knee with such force that I feel like he has broken every bone. Afterwards, I’m limping around, sore and bruised for a few days. 

“Kelpies are capable and clever at mustering sheep with little or no guidance.” So says Google. But no one has told this to Ned. He cannot focus on the task of sheep work because he detests hard work.

Work
Ned is gifted at disappearing when he is called upon to work. Take for instance when he hears the roar of the motor bike or the rumble of the ute, it’s time to vanish. The appearance of James means work. Our Ned would never volunteer when help is needed with the sheep. No way; he’s not that silly.

OK, let’s take a step back and just imagine this classic breed – the Kelpie. He’s Australia’s most popular working dog who is an enthusiastic tireless worker. Now close your eyes and visualize our Ned, dragged by the scruff of his neck to the waiting motor bike. Plopped on to the back of the bike and driven to the paddock to work the sheep with his master, James. 

Five minutes later, Ned shows up at the back door, panting. He is pleased with himself for escaping the drudgery of sheep work. 

But wait, is that the sound of the motor bike he hears as he looks for a place to hide? 

Yes, James has appeared to take the unhappy dog back down the paddock. This will go on three or four times until the master has won and the Kelpie, sadly, will stay to work. When the work is finished, does Ned remain with the master? Hell no. He’s back to the house as quick as he can.

Freedom
I must tell you about a time not long ago, when James needed our goof ball Kelpie for sheep work. Snicks and I headed to the front of the house to do gardening. Watching them pass on the motor bike, I laughed at the expression on Ned’s face. It was comical. I’m sure I read envy on his face – he craved what both Snicks and I enjoyed – freedom.

As they passed, Ned turned his head and stared, never taking his eyes from us. They didn’t get too far, as James’s phone rang. While the bike sat motionless, who do you think took advantage of his master’s lack of concentration and made his escape back to us? He was one happy dog.

Herding 
Ned does love herding things…animals…young children. When our grandchildren come for a visit, Ned will spend the whole time rounding up the children, trying to nip their poor bottoms. He gets frustrated because they won’t cooperate.   

One day, the two dogs and I where releasing the chooks, when Ned decided to herd our two ponies. It’s a recurring obsession he performs with the ponies each day. Most days, it doesn’t bother them, so they lash out with a back hoof while munching on the grass. This particular day, I was heading back to the house, when I heard a mighty commotion behind me. Well, I have never laughed so much. Here was our Kelpie running towards me with fear etched on his face. Galloping at full speed behind him, were two very angry ponies. Ned wanted me to rescue him. No way boy, you brought this upon yourself. “Save yourself”, I yelled as I took off. Ned managed to squeeze under the fence just in time. He dodged the fury of the ponies on this occasion.

Another Kelpie watching Ned would shake his head in shame, thinking that this dorky dog has let their breed down. At 5 years of age, the poor boy has often disgraced that amazing Kelpie breed in his short life.

Strengths
Don’t get me wrong, Ned has several amazing strengths, which are not difficult to find. And for me, the one who loves him the most, I see them daily.

Take for instance, the day I was sitting outside, reading a magazine. Ned was in his usual position, at my side, enjoying me massaging his ear, when I heard a low growl from Ned as he turned his head and went completely still. While not leaving my side, Ned was warning me of an impending threat. I turned just in time to see a snake heading towards us. Ned never left my side.

Secret
I have a little secret. Don’t tell James…promise. On occasion, when James isn’t home, I let Ned, this working dog, inside for a cuddle. He adores his time inside, often snoozing with his head on one of my cushions. Ned was born to be a house dog, or rather, a lap dog – if he could fit on my lap that is. James often tells us and anyone else who will listen that I have ruined Ned with the way I baby him. He’s a wimp, so they all say, but to me he is beautiful loyal companion. 

Ok, Ned’s not a great worker, we have established that. Some might say Ned is lazy, but he isn’t lazy, he just loves ducking his responsibilities and having fun. 

If we could ask Ned how he would like to spend his days, this would be his answer: “Just to spend my days running around with my human mum and my fur sister, Snickers. To sit on my mum’s lap while she plays with my ear…heaven!” 

Well, that’s the story about my oddball dog, Ned. I hope you enjoyed it.